We realize that there is much planning that goes into this SXSW thing these days. I remember the days when homies from the street rolled around with a ripped out chronicle and a black sharpie. In the spirit of that, we at the Mohawk would like to give you a few SXSW planning styles that we have employed over the years...perhaps one will work for you. It is important to identify your style and partner up with a complimentary (not redundant) style to get the full effect. Examples of sweet style include:

-The MEGADWEEB. The megadork leverages virtually every new software out there to plan his/her week (s) in such a way that they miss most shows due to constant software updates and the fact that the iPhone doesnt have Flash (bitch!). The megadork uses software like this to make shit happen. The megadweeb has way more applications that you do, an extended battery pack, and is beta testing the SHIT out of stuff for next year. Use this kid as a GPS mapping tool if you are lost.

-The OPPORTUNIST (aka scenester, aka better dealer, aka asshole). This person says YES! to every event on FB and creepy event websites, and also says YES! to every text message and carrier pigeon that comes his/her way out of fear of 'missing something super wicked'. This person will ditch your ass at the drop of a headband (or a sniff of a justice tribute show). Don't trust the opportunist...but they WILL know where the free drinks are.

-The PURIST. This person needs no technology to create his/her plans for hearing good music. They watch as the schedules are created, quietly listen to new bands, and scribble shit on their little Lester Bangs mead mini spiral back pocket notebook. They wander alone through the valley of death (red river) finding the future of rock and roll by simply using olfactory and auditory senses, and they have zero appreciation for scenes, fashion, or hipsters. Make friends with this person, they will put you on the rock and probably some sweet grub too.

-The TOURIST. Wow. These kids are awesome. They planned everything on expedia and citysearch. They will text you first thing, first show on wednesday night about the 'most amazing band they have ever seen', and it was at Dizzy Rooster. The Tourist is fun to watch but tough to hang out with because between waiting in line to eat at Iron Cactus (respek) or taking a pedi-cab to go grab a picture of Stevie or the bats (respek), you will miss a shit ton of shows. Also, don't roll with this guy/gal to the St. Cecilia and try to hang out...they have installed tourist sensors that will immediately electrocute and embarrass you both. Keep the tourists number on you though...they may have a sweet crash pad because of their Amex miles or something.

-The SLACKER. This lazy ass SOB is fanfreakintastic. He/she ain't planning a damn thing. This person, in fact, may not even go to SX if the vaporizer is in full effect and there is a good pizza in the house. Can't get a ride? Fuck it. Favorite band is playing on Northloop? Fuck that. Long line at Mohawk? They can suck it, I'm gettin vaped. The only way the Slacker catches a sweet rock show is if you go and pick their ass up early, bring them to a gig (with passes/hook ups), feed them food, sit a random chair in front of a stage, and ask the singer to scream in their earhole the whole time.

-The ELITE. These bastards can suck my athletes foot cheeze toe. You know this dude/chick. They roll into every venue in white leather coats with hair product (while talking on their iPhone) at high speeds through the front door while telling the door dude to get the eff out of the way because they are on the list. The Elite have spent all year pounding martinis and making sure their assistant got them on every list in town so they can be seen at sold out shows. Their asst did the planning and programming of iPhone 'must do' schedule. The only cool thing about the Elite is when they are denied access somewhere. Its comedy. Molten lava shoots out of their eyeballs as they threaten jobs and say things like 'i'm gonna buy this place and face fuck all of you poor people'...this always ends perfectly as the Elite have zero fighting skills and the door dudes always quickly gut punch/head lock/flying knee them and toss them in the gutter so they can get back to work.

-The DRIFTER. Hang with the drifter. All will be well. The Drifter goes with the flow but digs good tunes, therefore needs no plan. The Drifter is a hybrid of the Slacker and the Purist (like the Minotaur) and simply lets the wind direct him/her to the rock. The Drifter is pretty connected, so he/she gets text updates on sweetness (free beer), random offers of rides in cars, and other people always hook the drifter up on RSVP lists, because they are so damn laid back. The Drifter almost always stumbles upon great music while everyone else is trying to get in the 'cool show'. Beware though, as the Drifter may roll off of red river somewhere and hit a crack pipe or end up on campus at some sorority SXSW fundraiser, so you gotta watch and steer the Drifter if you wanna catch all the good stuff.

-The HATER. No me gusta. This kid will totally bum you out, because not only does the hater not like lines or waiting for bands to start, but the hater also hates every band for 'not being Bowie' or 'ripping off Gang of Four'. The haters only plan or style is to talk shit and bitch. The Hater will have a software list (like Dweeb) of bands that he/she is ready to hate for sucking supreme balls. The Hater will also be blogging while hating, so that slows things down. The Hater hates Austin too, so your meals will be delayed by stories about the best brunch in Copenhagen and how Berlin is 'way more progressive than this douche scene'. Basically any new band that you see with the Hater will be mainstream by the end of their set. Heres the thing though...the hater LOVES this shit. It is like HATEFEST 09 for them. Their hate is deeply buried in a dungeon of love...and if you get them shitfaced they will totally spill the beans on the PM Dawn records in their car and the fact that they love watching Friday Night Lights and Rock of Love.

-The SWISS ARMY. These kids blend every every aspect of every style listed above into a renaissance man package of true Austin. They are totally cool to hang with. They hate certain bands, get on lists, are kinda lazy but know their shit, have software and RSVP hook ups, like to go with the flow, and aren't scared to catch a great show at a tourist venue. The Swiss Army is the culmination off all things Austin and why we love/hate this city and SXSW. The swiss army will be in the know but will only commit to whats awesome, because the Swiss Army knows they will be here next year. The Swiss Army has made the mistakes and learned, and therefore is the most well rounded and capable style of them all.

There are many more sweet styles to choose from, but much like a Kenyan safari for Nebraskans, we just showed you the fattest and most obvious ones. We hope that this helps you as you tackle the mosh of douchebaggery and fun and shit and rad and fun.

To help you on your journey, please find links to all Mohawk day and night shows on our calendar here. You will see that if you click 'ADD THIS' you can post the things you are going to on your online shit you play with.

Also, iPhoners, you can click here for an auto-RSS feed to your phone for real time updates. Yo MEGADWEEB, shout out to you and your homies. What what.

Almost all shows have been updated at this point with a few key hold outs.

Best to you and to your style,

Mohawk

PS: Heres a boss tune for your ass. They play on Thursday 3/19 afternoon.



And some people that are not playing the hawk this year:



And